Friday, December 30, 2005

Welcome to Moms' Zone

it's the new title for my blog (previously it was Beautiful Life..) it's still the same blog, but with a new, refreshing (maybe) skin and template! it's not because Beautiful Life sounds boring to me or my life is no more beautiful.. (hahaha!)

to be frank, Moms' Zone will be my experiment to earn money from Google Adsense, by narrowing down the subject-focused including the title.. as beginner to Google Adsense, there're lots more to learn.. meaning, more time for reading, research & browsing.. and this is only the beginning.. mind the hiccup okay?

should there be anyone interested to know what is Google Adsense & how do i earn money from it, click here for a quick tour...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Blog & Surf Faster??

i've heard of this google toolbar for quite a time but has never used it myself.. just now i've installed it at my pc and wow!! this is just so great for surfing & blogging! "wink"

i don't have to go to each time i want to blog. just a single click at a small blogger icon (at my google toolbar), login & blog straight away in a simpler & smaller window.. wanna try? bare in mind this is a secured software by google.. so, don't worry.. this software won't harm your pc.. =) click at the firefox icon at the right column of my page and you'll know how to manage the rest!

Earn More Money?

how to earn more money besides monthly fixed salary? i'm still working on it, still studying.. will reveal it here once mastered!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Post Natal Care Set

To all moms out there searching for Post Natal Care set, I would reccomend to use this one.. I've tried it during my confinement & Alhamdulillah my health and energy recovered in short period.. here's the features of Tropical Herbs Post Natal Care:

  • a complete herbal solution to help new mother regain her physique, internally and externally, quickly and conveniently.
  • it has 10 herbal components used over a period of 44 days for the complete care and recovery of new mothers after childbirth. Includes a FREE Post Natal Abdominal Binder with every purchase of the set.
  • tropical formulations that contain herbs that have been used traditionally by the Chinese, Indians, and Malays to aid in the new mother's recovery during confinement.
  • For oral consumption:Herbal Tea, After Birth 1 and After Birth 2)
  • For External Use:Herbal Douche, Herbal Bath, Herbal Massage Oil, Baby Oil, Firming Herbal Blend, Warming Herbal Blend, and Calming Herbal Blend.

Features and Benefits

  • Complete and convenient. Everything you need is in this pack. Minimal preparation required as all the products are pre-measured and ready for use.
  • Proven efficacy. The herbs used have been traditionally time-tested and scientifically proven efficacy.
  • Standardised herbs.Uses of standardised herbal extract of active ingredients for quality and consistency of the formulation.
  • No artificial colours, flavours, or preservatives added.
  • Vegetable capsules used. The oils used are plant-based.These products are suitable for vegetarians and those with religious restrictions.
  • Reputable herbal manufacturer. With years of experience in production of herbal-based products, the company fulfills the Biro Pengawalan Farmasuetikal Kebangsaan/Drug Control Authority (BPFK/DCA) criteria for Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP).
  • Pregnancy is a very special time in a woman's life. Eating well and keeping fit and relaxed are very important as she's supplying the nutritional needs of her developing baby. Post natal care after delivery is just as important because the new mother needs to regain her energy and vitality, as well as care for her new born. In most Asian cultures, the confinement period is a time when the new mothers are nursed back to health, usually with a combination of specially selected foods, herbs and other traditional practices.
Anyone interested? Feel free to contact me for ordering or further enquiries. Call me at 013-3943452 or email me at

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

err..losing weight? any IDEA?

god.. it is so hard to lose weight after i gave birth to Aisya.. all the stubborn fat loves my body so much! haha.. when shall i wear my kebaya again? (sigh..) well, i did lost 2kgs during the past fasting month.. but all the irresistable sumptuous food; open-houses, wedding feasts, bla bla bla.. all are making me gaining back the kilos! how easy to gain and how hard to lose! (boringnyerr..!!)

after a long break from exercising, i think i MUST join back Fitness 1st.. doing some exercises must make me feel a lot more better than having done nothing.. "wink"

btw, here are some useful tips i want to share, simple things we can do daily to increase metabolism.. especially for those having the same problem like me.. hahaha:
  • take the stairs not the lift (checked)

  • do not use the remote control to change the TV channel etc (err..)

  • play a ball game with your kids (checked)

  • do some gardening (haven't started yet)

  • go for a walk with your family (really need to find some time for this)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The newborn princess!

My beloved best friend whom I personally treat her like my own sister has gave birth to this beautiful little baby on 5th December 2006 at 9.55pm, 2 weeks earlier that her EDD.. she was named Fatin, as simple as her mom & dad's names! I think her unexpected new arrival makes Fatin enjoys sleeping very much!.. congratulations to Gna & Arai for the presence of your beautiful baby! don't forget to invite us for her Aqiqah.. (God I am so excited when comes to visit new babies lately!! ermp..) Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

for Moms & Moms-to-be

after collecting a few related links, I decided to add a special reading/shopping corner at my blog named mums & babies.. I found these links really useful for moms and moms-to-be who are searching for local suppliers selling the most trusted and dependable products available in the market today.. they are selling range of products for nursing mom from brand like Medela, Avent, Spectra and Lollipop & not forgetting baby gears, maternity dresses & reading materials for motherhood & parenting.. they are also offering support services for nursing moms who are in passion for breastfeeding their babies, especially for those with nursing difficulties to successfully breastfeed..

I really recommend all moms & moms-to-be to have a peek at these links as there are a lot of things to read and learn.. even a mom of a 1yr old child like me still need a lot of reading on how to smoothly cruise this journey of motherhood.. happy reading and shopping!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Airasia RM1.99!!

a friend of mine emailed me that AirAsia is having this RM1.99 promotion.. me & hubby are considering to go back to KB for Raya Haji & MAS is no more an option to us since the fares strike rm179/person for 1 KL to KB trip!! apparently we can't afford to fly with MAS anymore.. no more Supersaver fares that we usually get at RM97.. so i just give a try for this cheap fares, nothing to lose right?..

at 1st, to me it sounds a bit ridiculous to get an airfare this cheap.. i once told myself that the flight crews & airline staff must have booked these fares for their family & close friends.. but my thought slipped off when I managed to buy 2 RETURN rm1.99 tickets from KLIA to KB for me & hubby for this coming Raya Haji.. i repeat, RETURN AIR TICKET.. luckily Aisya's fare is flat rated at rm20 per trip.. let me tell u the details..

fare price: RM 47.96 (1.99 x 2person x 2trip + 40.00forAisya)
taxes: RM120.00 (30.00 x 2person x 2trip)

total fare: RM167.96


hehe.. isn't that cheap & really saves our pocket? we don't have to travel in our stuffed-with-Aisya's-toys car for 8hours long across the north-south boundary.. it saves us 2 days of hectic journey & lots of energy for shopping in KB!.. and the best part is, I don't have to put my eyes on Aisya for the entire 8 hours long (gosh she's really energetic & naughty now that she rests only at sleep!!)

to guys & girls out there, just try your luck for rm0.00 airfares to all over ASEAN.. let's fly with AirAsia.. i'm still trying my luck but it looks like my fav days are fully-booked oredy.. :(

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Aisya's 1st Birthday!

Last Sunday, I arranged for some ‘makan-makan’ at my Makcik’s house in Sri Kembangan.. and that was to celebrate Aisya’s belated 1st birthday too.. sorry dear for the 2 weeks delay.. hehe.. I didn’t plan it well but fortunately we managed to have some food & finish them excellently.. but sorry frens for not inviting any of you.. I only made it for my nearest families, even those in Kota Bharu or Kulim weren’t invited =).. I made my usual Spaghetti Bolognese, Makcik made delicious "meehoon goreng" & bought plenty of Satay Kajang, and not forgetting for Aisya’s 1st birthday cake, I bought a sumptuous vanilla ice-cream cake, which was absolutely my best choice! Nyummss!.. poor birthday girl that she could only eat strings of spaghetti (with some tomato sauce dip) and only pinches of vanilla cake (with no ice-cream).. not much pictures were taken since the photographer needed to hold the sleepy birthday girl who was really confused with what’s going on.. all in all, we had a great tummy time that day! Aisya got some present.. a meal set from her aunties and a teddy bear from Tok Jang.. me & hubby gave her a box of flash cards as she could already recognized a few things lately.. not forgetting Aunty Uyu's really cute, birthday card mailed from faraway Soton.. (to Aunty Uyu, don't forget expensive present kay??) Happy 1st Birthday To Our Beloved Aisya.. we will keep your 1st birthday candle as the event’s evident!.. hehee..

p/s: insyallah.. we'll try to have a proper one next time! Posted by Picasa

Monday, November 14, 2005

learning progress..

Part 1
"Aisya.. Aisya sayang mama tak?.."
Aisya nodded..
"sayang papa tak?.."
Again, Aisya nodded..

Dh and me smiled at each other..

Part 2
"Aisya.. sebut AI-SYA.."

Again, Dh & me smiled at each other..

Part 3
"Aisya.. sebut MA-MA.."
"PAPA.." and she giggled alone..

This time Dh laughed at me.. cett, this is unfair!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Aisya turned 1yr old

..last 31st-Oct-05, Aisya turned 1yr old.. A very Happy Birthday to our beautiful daughter! May Allah bless u, mama & papa with unbound happiness and life full of barakah.. ameen.. nak present apani sayang? Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

seronotnye hari raye..

Well.. let’s talk about this year’s Hari Raya.. actually tgh bosan gile kat ofis.. baper kerat jer yg turn up dari cuti lama.. keje pon tak banyak lagi.. tapi apakan daya cuti dah takde.. sobbss.. terpaksa laa datang keje jgak..

Raya tahun ni 1st time beraya bersama buah hati kami, Aisya Afiqah.. tahun lepas dia dah lahir sebnanya tapi masa tu dlm pantang.. and this is the 3rd raya bersama beloved hubby.. and also 1st time beraya di Lunas utk hari raya pertama.. so, suasana macam baru jugaklaa w/pon dah 2 tahun lebih kami berumahtangga.. meriah tetap meriah walaupon tak dapat balik both kampung.. sedih jugak sbb tak dapat balik KB, takleh nak ziarah kubur arwah mak & buat havoc dgn adik2.. tapi Al-fatihah & Yasin dari jauh tetap dihadiahkan.. kat KB hanya ada ayah & stepmom, Saiful, Adek & Kak Mimi.. Uwu beraya di Southampton utk pertama kalinya.. siann dia kena raya kat tpt org, dlm lab plak tu.. takpelaa kan, timba pengalaman.. reason kami tak balik KB? Hempp.. mainly sbb bajet bulan ni sedikit tergelincir.. Aisya kena measles+chickenpox (taktau nak distinguish sbb saiznye sedang2) selama sebulan lebih, plus terkena jangkitan scabies.. kesian sgt kat dia.. nasib baik lalu makan (nasi 3x sehari) & main tak hingatnyer.. kami banyak spend pegi doctor non-panel, and lepas dah hantar Aisya ke kampung utk MIL jagakan, kami ulang-alik balik Lunas utk 2 wiken bturut2 utk tgk keadaan dia.. pastu balik kampung lagi.. kereta pula kena major service, plus eksiden sket, kena ketuk rim & bonet depan.. nak tukar tayar pon kami terpaksa tangguh dulu.. hoho.. harap2 tayar2 tu behave buat masa ni.. biasala.. kereta dah cukup umur setahun.. hmmpp.. dugaan datang mencurah2.. semoga rezeki kami melimpah kat tempat lain.. ameen..

Utk baju raya, kami berjimat2 utk diri kami berdua, tapi belanja lebih sket utk Aisya.. theme di pagi raya is light PINK.. Dh & I just wore our latest made baju melayu & baju kurung yg kami pakai masa wedding my sis, Kak Mimi 2 months ago.. saye punya baju kurung pesak gantung plain light pink, with kain tenun shantung silk.. Dh pula baju melayu cekak musang plain light pink.. saye just beli sandal baru sbb dah setahun dah tak beli sandal.. hehe.. Dh hanya ada kopiah baru.. sbb tak jumpa sandal baru yg berkenan di hati.. kesian die.. Utk si comel Aisya, kami beli baju kurung kaler pink bunga2 biru sbb nak bagi same theme.. yg bestnye beli kat pekan Kulim murah gile.. rm15 jer sepasang, compared to KL rm50 belum tentu dpt yg lawa.. Aisya ada gown hitam (papa beli), pink x 2 (mama beli & tok kasik), cream (uncle Kamal kasik), err.. banyak lagi ni.. plus t-shirt, jeans, corduroy, skirt and many more.. tak lupe kasut baru sbb dah boleh jalan dah skang ni,, sakan dia bergaya.. siap pakai rantai loket love yg Tok bagi.. thanks Tok.. actually dah lama tak tukar wardrobe Aisya, dok pakai yg lama2 jer sampai semuanya dah ketat sgt.. yg butang dah tercabut sampai nampak perut buncit dia pon ada.. hehe.. siann sangat tgk.. so, this is the best time utk beli baju2 baru dia.. sempena tgh Sale Raya..

Utk kuih raya, kami tak spend banyak pon.. tak sampai 200biji pon rasanya.. sbb tahun ni mmg fully beraya kat Lunas, rumah MIL & FIL.. kami tempah dari mak awek adik Dh.. best betul biskut2 raya yg dia buat.. ada tart nenas, almond london, chocolate slice, & tatau nama.. hehe.. utk MIL, saye bawak balik kerepek2 jer sbb tahu dia dah tempah byk & buat pon ada.. Malam raya, saye mencuba bakat memasak rendang daging utk dicicah bersama ketupat.. actually mmg tiap2 tahun saye yg akan masak rendang kat kampung kat KB.. tapi tahun ni lain sket sbb kena masak kat rumah MIL.. kalau kat KB, tentu saya masak rendang daging & nasi impit & ketupat (mak sedara buat), kuzi ayam & dgn roti jala (tempah), nasi putih & rendang ayam merah.. then kalau nak ubah selera sket masak spaghetti.. nyumss.. tapi bila dah kat rumah Dh, kena laa ikut selera depa pula.. kang masak beriya2, diorang tak makan, sape yg susah hati.. hari raya ke-2, mak masak nasi tomato dgn ayam masak merah ala rendang… sedap gile.. terubat rindu masakan arwah mak.. kalau arwah mak ada, tentu dia order sate, nasi bukhari or nasi dagang.. tapi now mak dah takde, masing2 takde bajet nak tempah tu semua.. semuanya masak sendiri sbb lebih jimat.. mak takpelaa, dia banyak duit.. hihi..

Utk rumah, memula kami mengecat frame2 pintu, sekali macam fail sket.. sbb cat lama tak berkualiti, habis rosak cat yg paling atas.. terus cut down mood mengecat.. (alasan jer nih.. ) then hari tu dah pegi survey kain nak buat langsir.. sekali Aisya plak tak sehat, so dah takde peluang nak bershopping kain langsir.. pinggan mangkuk pon ingat nak beli kat IKEA.. pon terbantut sama.. so, kesimpulannya, takde pape yg baru di rumah kami.. insyallah ada duit sket kami furnish laa sket sebanyak.. buat masa ni, just kemas & bersihkan je..

Kami balik ke Puchong hari Ahad petang, selepas pegi kenduri kawen kakak (seblah laki2) kat Pendang.. PLUS jam teruk sangat.. tapi nasib baik laa merangkak2, bergerak laa jugak.. kami bertolak pukul 4 petang, sampai rumah pukul 2 pagi.. letih kan? Apa2 pon, hari raya tahun ni meriah & menggembirakan.. yang paling penting, hubungan saya dgn keluarga Dh bertambah akrab, dah tak segan nak sembang2 ngan MIL or FIL or adik2 Dh or masuk dapur utk masak apa yg saya suka.. ada hikmahnya Aisya sakit & dugaan2 lain yg mendatang tu kan? Kalau tak, sure kami tak lama beraya di Lunas..

Oklah.. selamat hari raya to all.. maaf zahir + batin.. kami tak buat open house rasanya.. tapi kalau nak dtg beraya tu, jemputla datang, jgn segan.. call dulu tau.. bolehla goreng bihun or masak apa yg ada..

Nanti saya upload gambar raya kat fp..

Resipi Kuzi Ayam

1 ekor ayam dipotong 16
bawang putih
1 tin susu cair
1 tin tomato puree
rempah kuzi utk seekor ayam (campur dgn air menjadi pes)
minyak masak

Bahan A (dimayang)
1/3 kg bawang merah

Bahan B (dihiris)
1 labu bawang besar
2 ulas bawang putih

Bahan C
sedikit kismis (digoreng sedikit)
badam (rendam dlm air panas, buang kulit, hiris & goreng garing)
1-3 helai zat param (optional)

  1. Ayam diperap bersama garam, sedikit kunyit, halia dan bawang putih selama satu jam. Kemudian, goreng hingga cukup2 masak, jangan garingkan. Ketepikan.
  2. Goreng bahan A sehingga kekuningan. Kemudian, kisar menggunakan blender sehingga hampir lumat. Ketepikan.
  3. Tumis bahan B hingga wangi. Masukkan pes rempah kuzi dan masak hingga rempah betul2 masak.
  4. Masukkan susu cair, tomato puree dan bahan A ke dalam rempah yg telah masak. Tambah air sehingga kuah menjadi sedikit cair. Biarkan mendidih dan kemudian renehkan dgn api perlahan. Masukkan ayam yg telah digoreng, garam dan gula secukup rasa.
  5. Kacau hingga sebati & kuah agak pekat. Masukkan bahan C.
  6. Renehkan lagi, perasakan garam & gula secukupnya dan hidangkan bersama roti jala, roti atau nasi.

Selamat Mencuba!!
Resipi ini diajar oleh Allahyarhamah Azizah Saad, ibu saya.. thanks mak..

Thursday, October 27, 2005

the new mood.. emmpp..

well.. thot of having a new 'skin' for my blog.. just to refresh my mind.. and off-course my life.. it's been sooo long since my last update.. bz like bees?? yupp, for sure.. piles of work coming in after our unit had this so called re-allignment.. hectic schedule?? yupp, i agreed.. Aisya has been sick for more than 1 month already.. Dh and me decided that we should take turns to look after her at home after the doc. confirmed that she got "campak" (she got both measles + chickenpox, we guess).. this is parenthood.. it's not easy if you do it all by your own and no grandparents involved.. we made to know that the days we spend full-time with her were really meaningful to our relationship and off-course our small family.. every single minutes count.. she's becoming more tied-up to us as compared to before.. feeling lucky?? yupp.. like the malay/muslim says.. "sesuatu yg berlaku, pasti ada hikmahnya.."

she made six steps forward and never give up to give another try.. she learns to throw and kick a ball.. she could already pronounce pa-pa & ma-ma clearly.. she even knows how to joke!! aren't we lucky to witness all that?? one thing that cheerish me the most, when i returned home on the day Dh's turn to babysit Aisya, the moment i opened the front door, she'll peep to see who's coming, and the moment she saw me, she crawled towards me in dead rush, and giggling shouting "ma-ma!!".. can u imagine how happy i am???

well, after 3 yrs of working & 2 yrs of marriage, i finally come to this conclusion - all i need the most in my life right now, is the love and support from my loving Dh and our beautiful Aisya.. =) i told you.. life is beautiful.. Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 26, 2005

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

Got this story from a friend.. so touching.. sobbss..

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stoppedin front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her outof the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was thenplump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets weresteadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was acivil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almostat the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life wasmore likely to be affected by unpredicta! ble changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me frombehind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. Thiswas the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Herwords suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wifesaid, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed mywife. But I couldn t help doing so.

I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she wasunhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At themoment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it usedto be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. Nomatter how mildly I mention! ed it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I wassitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watchedTV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew sbody. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, whatwill you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away fromher. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I wasserious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost allthe staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hidesomething while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. Shegently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we livetogether. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got somethingto tell you, I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her knowwhat I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topiccalmly.

She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked mesoftly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-calledanswer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted atme, you are not a man! .

At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knewshe wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I couldhardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which statedthat she could own our house, our car, a! nd 30% stake of my company. Sheglanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a strangerone day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expectedto see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea ofdivorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer andclearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw herwriting something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, Ifound she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything fromme, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and inthe month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reasonwas simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and shedi! dn t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, doyou still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , shecontinued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in yourarms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, youmust carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wishedto end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly andthought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to facethe result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less mademe feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intentionwas explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So whenI carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our sonclapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His wordsbrought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, thento the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closedher eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son.I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. Shewent to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is beingdemolished. Be carefu! l when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we werestill an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms.Thevisualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking,etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made mestronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She triedquite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All mydresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that itwas because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, notbecause I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in herheart. Again,! I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out ahand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. Hesaid. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been anessential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer andhugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I wouldchange my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from thebedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surroundedmy neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we cameback to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold mein your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our lifewas lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly wi! thout locking the door. I was afraidany delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dewopened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I mserious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got nofever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, Ican only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boringprobably because she and I didn t value the details of life, notbecause we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since Icarried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposedto hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and thenslammed the door and burst out crying. I walked downstairs and drove to theoffice.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for mywife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write thegreeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I ll carry you outevery morning until we are old.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

416 DAYS...

it has been 416 days since she left us..
but the pain is still deep..
too deep to cure.. too deep to heal..
we really miss you mom..
just like yesterday.. and the days before..
and we'll be missing you again, today and forever..
may you sleep peacefully..
may you sleep happily..

Monday, August 22, 2005

my girl..

Aisya.. the very playfull girl.. smalam jatuh kepala berdentum kat lantai tah baper kali tah.. tapi tak juga serik2.. nangis seminit.. then sambung lagi main.. penat mama nak kejar kesana kemari.. tapi penat macamana pon.. Aisyalah buah hati mama & papa.. =)

Aisya dah kenal orang sekarang.. dah kenal mana satu mama & papa.. dah kenal sapa yg jaga dia kat nursery.. dah kenal sapa yg bagi dia makan dan mandikan dia.. kalau org yg dia tak kenal, sikit pon dia tak layan.. senyum tidak, gelak tidak.. nak dukung lagilaa dia taknak..

Pagi ni, makcik yg jaga Aisya kat nursery tak ada.. yg sambut budak2 hanyalah Atiq & Syada.. Atiq ambil Aisya dari aku walaupon dari raut muka dah nampak dah awan mendung.. pastu, apalagi.. hujan pon turun dgn lebatnya.. hehe.. sian Aisya, tangan lambai2 nak suruh mama ambik dia balik.. mama cepat2 masuk kereta.. sedih mmg sedih.. tapi apakan daya.. kekadang rasa cam nak jer jadi full-time housewife.. jaga & didik anak2 dgn kudrat sendiri.. tapi zaman sekarang ni banyak tuntutan yg memerlukan wang.. tgklah nanti, hubby jadi GM ke.. hehe.. bolehla berenti keje..

Tersenyum aku sorang2... sbb rasa bertuah & bersyukur, budak kecik tu dah pandai rindu mama dia.. =)

i hate Midvalley.. arghhh (just for today)

bencinyerr... pergi Midvally & tak dapat parking..
kenapalaa diri ini lupe yg cuti skolah sudah bermula??
bencinyerr... nak ke sana 5 minit pon tak sampai..
tapi end up pusing2 kat parking lot for almost 25 minutes!!

last skali.. park kat blakang kete sape tah.. berlari gi bayar parking.. pastu blah..

p/s: rugi masa, tenaga, minyak (dahla mahal) & RM1 utk bayar parking.. benciiiii!!!!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Belajarlah mengatakan 'CUKUP'..

***I got this from someone.. Muhasabah diri sejenak.. Cermin2lah diri kita.. it's a bit lengthy but worth reading..

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam. Sesungguhnya aku bersaksi bahawa tiada Tuhan melainkan Allah yang Esa, tiada sekutu bagiNya dan sesungguhnya aku bersaksi bahawa Nabi Muhammad itu hamba dan rasulNya. Selawat berserta salam buat Nabi Junjungan Muhammad SAW yang mempunyai keperibadian mulia & diutuskan sebagai ikutan. Juga buat sekalian muslimin & orang2 yang beramal soleh...

Minggu lepas saya sempat tonton sebahagian dari sebuah filem yang disiarkan di channel Vision Four. Tajuknya Interstate 60. Pelakon utamanya saya tak kenal tapi pelakon tambahannya ramai yang top2. Salah satu babak yang saya ingat sangat, ialah di awal cerita yang membabitkan pelakon terkenal, Micheal J.Fox. Dalam babak tu, Micheal kelihatan seperti seorang businessman yang sibuk.

Ketika itu dia sedang bercakap2 di handphonenya di dalam kereta. Di belakangnya ada seorang lelaki sedang mengayuh basikal sambil menghisap pipe. Tiba2 Micheal buka pintu keretanya dan akibatnya lelaki tersebut terlanggar pintu tersebut dan tergolek. Tengah tergocoh2 & sibuk mintak maaf tuh, handphone Micheal terlepas dari tangan. Sampai je ke atas jalan, datang satu trailer lenyek handphone. Apa lagi, menyumpah seranah la dia.

Yela... Sebagai businessman, tentu handphone tu alat penting untuknya. Dalam keadaan marah, terkeluar dari mulut Micheal (lebih kurang la...) "Saya harap ini tak pernah terjadi". Rupa2nya lelaki yang bawa basikal tadi ada kuasa magik. Dia mampu ulang balik masa dan mereka kembali ke satu keadaan di mana Micheal masih dalam kereta dan lelaki tadi masih menunggang basikalnya.

Bila tiba hampir ke kereta Micheal, dia berhenti. Tiba2 Micheal keluar dari kereta. Kali ni lelaki tadi tak melanggar pintunya seperti sebelum ini. Jadi Micheal terus rancak berbual hinggalah tiba2 datang trailer dan melanggar Micheal J. Fox. Lelaki tadi, yang berada di belakang kereta Micheal & memerhatikan segalanya, bekata "Some people just don't know what to wish for" (Sesetengah orang tak tahu apa yang patut diminta).

Apa kesudahan filem ini saya tak tahu sebab saya tak menontonnya hingga selesai. Tapi saya cukup tertarik dengan perkataan lelaki yang berbasikal tu. Sesetengah orang tak tahu apa yang patut mereka minta. Bukankah hampir kita semua begitu? Dalam filem tadi, Micheal mengharapkan kemalangan tu (basikal langgar pintu keretanya) tak berlaku supaya handphonenya terselamat. Tapi tanpa kemalangan itu, dia pula yang maut. Perasan tak?
Ini satu telefilem fiksyen. Rekaan semata. Tapi perkara ni sebenarnya berlaku dalam kehidupan harian kita. Seringkali kita meminta perkara yang macam2 seolah2 itulah yang terbaik untuk kita. Persoalannya, tahukah kita apa yang terbaik untuk kita? Kalau kita dilahirkan miskin, kita sering berdoa untuk menjadi kaya. Hendak mengubah kehidupan, kita kata. Tapi kita pastikah kekayaan itu yang terbaik untuk kita?

Atau kita dilahirkan pendek, atau terlalu tinggi, atau hitam atau berpenyakit. Tentunya kita mengharap2kan keajaiban untuk menjadi manusia yang sempurna atau sekurang2nya 'just nice'. Mungkin juga kita terbabit dalam kemalangan yang mengorbankan orang yang tersayang. Pasti tercalit dalam hati keinginan untuk engembalikan masa itu supaya kemalangan itu dapat dielakkan dan nyawa orang kesayangan kita juga selamat. Kan?

Persoalannya, adakah apa yang kita perolehi sekarang ini bukan yang terbaik? Adakah Allah itu zalim atau pilih kasih dengan memberi sesetengah orang nikmat manakala setengah lagih azab? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Adil? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Mengetahui? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Bijaksana? Jika begitu, mengapakah ada sesetengah dari kita yang bernasib malang manakala sesetengah yang lain bernasib baik sepanjang hidup mereka?

Sebenarnya, kita adalah apa yang kita minta (we are what we wish for). Kadangkala tatkala kita berdoa, kita sendiri kurang faham dengan apa yang kita minta. Ada orang berdoa minta selamat. Akan tetapi Allah berikan dia dari sihat jatuh sakit. Dari kaya jatuh miskin. Dari jelita jadi hodoh. Bagaimana itu? Itu hanyalah sebagai ujian kesabarannya. Seandainya imannya tetap kuat, insyaAllah dia akan selamat di akhirat kelak.

Selamat juga, bukan? Adakah Allah menolak permintaannya? Tidak! Bahkan Allah meletakkannya ke tempat yang lebih tinggi. Begitu juga dengan keadaan saya baru2 ini. Hidup dikelilingi hutang lapuk. Pening kepala nak bayar. Interest makin meningkat. Ibu mana yang tak kasihan lihat anaknya susah hati? Satu hari tu ibu saya beritahu saya yang dia tiap2 hari berdoa minta saya dapat banyak duit. Dia simpati dengan saya katanya.

Saya katakan kepadanya. Kalau banyak duit, tiap2 bulan saya dapat, Alhamdulillah. Saya katakan padanya kalau mahu berdoa untuk saya, berdoalah semoga hutang lapuk saya selesai. Saya beritahunya ketika sebelum Zuhur. Zuhur tu juga dia telah tukar doanya dan Alhamdulillah, petang itu juga saya nampak jalan penyelesaiannya. Doa ibu itu berkat. Sekarang, Alhamdulillah ringan rasanya beban di kepala saya. Maha Suci Allah...

Apabila Allah menentukan sesuatu ke atas kita, percayalah itu adalah yang terbaik. Hanya mata kita yang diseliputi dengan nafsu yang tidak dapat melihat kebaikan yang ada pada sesuatu kejadian. Mengapa sukar bagi kita untuk redha kepada kejadian Allah? 'Grass is always greener on the other side'. Kan? Kita sentiasa melihat apa yang ada pada orang lain itu lebih baik dari apa yang kita miliki.

Sedang Nabi saw telah menasihatkan agar kita melihat orang yang di bawah. Jangan melihat orang lebih tinggi kerana intu akan membuat kita tidak bersyukur. Dan itulah masalahnya pada diri kita. Kita sentiasa mengejar peluang yang lebih baik. Sentiasa mahukan yang lebih banyak. Saya sendiri mengalami perkara ini. Dan saya percaya ramai yang turut mengalaminya. Siapa yang taknak gaji besar, kan?

Masa saya grad, ekonomi negara benar2 sedang menjunam. Saya ke hulu ke hilir mencari kerja. Akhirnya saya bekerja sebagai operator di kilang metal stamping. Gaji RM400 sebulan. Tiada OT. Tolak itu, tolak ini, dapatlah RM350. Hm... Cukup? Dah tentu tidak. Ketika itu saya hanya memiliki sebuah motor Yamaha 110SS hadiah ayah sempena dia dapat EPF. Isi minyak dengan makan dah habis. Ketika itu saya fikir, dapat gaji RM750 pun jadilah.

Kemudian saya bekerja sebagai Lab Technician. Betul2 saya dapat RM750. Cukup? Tak juga. Masa tu saya mula terfikir. Dapat gaji RM1500 pun dah cukup. Allah tunaikan lagi. Bekerja pula di petrochemical plant. Sebagai trainee, dapat la RM1500 sebulan. Ya Allah... tak cukup juga. Sebab masa tu saya dah beli kereta Iswara. Saya fikir, dapat RM2500 cukup la. Tapi bila dapat banyak tu, saya tukar kereta pula. Kesimpulannya tak cukup juga!

Memang takkan cukup. Nafsu itu adalah benda yang paling besar! Sekarang, ketika kawan2 saya berlumba masuk syarikat lain yang offer gaji 2 - 3 kali ganda, saya tetap di sini. Kalau ada yang bertanya kenapa saya tak ikut mereka, senang saya katakan. Saya selesa di sini. Kalau solat saya panjang, bos tak pernah marah. Sedang rakan2 saya di syarikat baru dibenarkan solat hanya dalam masa 5 minit sahaja.

Kini saya dah pandai mengatakan cukup. Cukuplah sebanyak ini yang Allah beri. Sekiranya diberi lebih, Alhamdulillah. Sekiranya semakin kurang, semoga Allah perkuatkan iman saya menghadapi dugaan mendatang. Yang penting bagi saya, apa yang saya perolehi ini halal dan diberkati. Pesan Nabi saw kepada Saiyidina Ali ra supaya jangan mengira2 rezeki untuk hari esok kerana Allah menurunkan rezeki pada tiap2 hari. Ini benar2 terkesan dalam hati saya. Tapi bukan bererti kita tak boleh mengejar yang lebih baik. Kejarlah dunia seperti akan hidup 1000 tahun lagi. Tapi dunia itu ibarat bayang2. Makin dikejar makin ia lari. Kejarlah akhirat seperti akan mati esok hari. Kerana akhirat itu umpama matahari. Makin kita kejar akhirat (matahari), dunia (bayang2) akan mengejar kita. Rezeki itu hak Allah maka bermohonlah kepada Yang Memiliki rezeki itu. Kerana tiada rezeki untuk kita tanpa ada izin dariNya. Terjadi kepada kenalan saya. Dengan gaji RM1000 sebulan, nak bayar ansuran rumah, nak isi minyak motor yang makin naik, duit lampin anak, duit makan, tinggal pula di JB, memang tak cukup. Sering dia mengeluh. Di tempat kerjanya pula dah lama hadkan OT. Kesian dia. Selalu dia cakap dia nak cari kerja lain. Dah banyak dia apply tapi tak dapat2 sebab tiada kelulusan dan umur pun dah makin lanjut.

Atau setidak2nya dapat banyak OT. Saya katakan padanya, besar periuk besarlah kerak. Sekarang dia pakai motor. Kalau gaji besar lagi, mungkin dia pakai kereta. Besar mana pun tetap tak cukup. Tapi... Masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan. Akhirnya Allah tunaikan permintaannya. Tiba2 dia dapat banyak sangat OT. Hari2 balik rumah sampai tengah malam. Langsung tak rehat. Main dengan anak pun 2 -3 minit masa pagi sebelum ke tempat kerja. Bila jumpa, dia cakap dah penat. Tak larat nak OT. Saya ketawakan dia. Bukankah ini yang dia minta? Ya, katanya. Tapi dia dah tak larat. Hari Ahad je dia dapat rehat. Bila nak main2 dengan anak? Kesian anaknya. Ke masjid pun hari Jumaat saja sekarang ni... Saya katakan padanya, kita tak boleh dapat segala2nya. Dia nak duit, Allah bagi duit. Tapi dia hilang kehidupan dan masa dengan anaknya. Itu adalah permintaannya. Bersyukurlah Allah telah menunaikan...

Kalau nak dikongsi, terlalu banyak rasanya apa yang saya lalui. Saya pasti, saudara2 semua juga ada lalui perkara yang sama. Di sini, bukan niat saya nak mengajar. Bukan juga nak menunjuk pandai. Saya hanya mengajak saudara2 sekalian terutamanya diri saya sendiri untuk berfikir. Apa yang kita buru? Apa yang kita cari? Apa yang kita dapat? Berapa kali pernah kita bersyukur dan berapa kali pernah kita katakan cukup?

Cukup atau tidak apa yang kita ada, bergantung kepada cukup atau tidak kita bersyukur ke hadrat Allah. Juga bergantung cukup atau tidak kita tambat nafsu kita. Yang penting tiap kali selepas solat, berdoalah pohonkan Allah berikan yang terbaik buat kita. Nabi saw pernah memberitahu, orang yang tidak berdoa selepas solat adalah orang yang sombong. Dalam hadith yang lain, Baginda saw berkata orang yang sombong adalah syirik kerana hanya Allah yang layak untuk bersifat sombong. Wallahu'alam...

Ya Allah! Ampunkanlah kami ya Allah. Selama ini kami leka. Selama ini kami lalai dalam mengejar nikmat dunia hingga kami lupa janji nikmat syurga Mu. Cukupkanlah kami dengan apa yang Kau beri. Dan jadikanlah kami insan yang tahu bersyukur. Amin... Ya Rabbal 'Alamin... Akhir kata, berlajarlah untuk berkata cukup.....

Sekian buat kali ini. Segala yang baik datang dari Allah dan yang buruk adalah akibat kebodohan saya sendiri. Wabillahitaufiq walhidayah,

Wassalamualaikum warahmatullah

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

What did I get from hubby for my 25th Birthday!

. a birthday card, off course with lots of love notes =)
. a red Carlo Rino long-purse
. a cream blouse
. a black long pant
. a slice of Chocolate Indulgence from Secret Recipe
. a sumptuous dinner at Chilis:

12 oz. ribeye steak with our own special seasonings and topped with garlic butter and roasted herb jus. Served with your choice of two sides and garlic toast.
CHICKEN CRISPERS® Strips of hand-battered chicken fried to perfection. Served with sweet corn on the cob, honey-mustard dressing & homestyle fries.

It was the best birthday ever!! Since I got a lot of present from beloved hubby.. not forgetting the most precious present; being healthy & loved by hubby, little Aisya, family & friends.. =) Alhamdulillah...

Friday, June 24, 2005

J-Card Member Sale @ Midval. & Aisya's new story

Hari ni aku & hubby bercuti sempena J-Card member SALE!! Hehe.. memang dah lama kitorang menunggu2 masa ni.. kire dalam setengah tahun ni mmg tak bershopping langsung.. so, inilah peluangnya.. :P

hantar Aisya pi nursery.. siann dia kena tinggal.. tapi kalau bawak dia skali sure tak beli pape barang pon.. then, pi breakfast dulu kat kedai dekat rumah.. kena isi perut kenyang2 dulu baru ada tenaga.. hihi

bertolak ke Jusco Midvalley.. hari ni try lalu Jalan Kelang Lama.. sbb tak ernah kenal pon yg mana satu Jln Kelang Lama nih.. asyik dok dengar je selama ni.. jam la pulak.. tapi takpe.. still awal..

tiba di Midvalley.. huh.. susah jugak nak carik parking kat P1.. dah penuh!! Pukul baper Jusco bukak ni? Ingatkan dah awal.. rupanya orang lain lagi awal.. hehe.. at last park kat P2.. seb baik banyak lagi kosong..

mak aiii!!! Ramainyer orang.. terstumble dengan si kembar Aida & Aini.. diorang pon cuti shopping..rata2 muka orang TM.. hehe..

10.30am – 12.30pm
hubby sibuk carik barang2 yg dah di list sejak seminggu lalu.. aku pulak dok sibuk ‘berperang’ mencari baju2 Aisya.. teringin nak beli gown Baby Kiko tapi lessnye 10% jek.. mahalnye baju2 baby.. Anakku ok laa jugak.. ELLE tak banyak choice.. beli swimming suit sehelai & pelampung seketul utk Aisya.. lupe plak nak carik baju raya terus utk dia.. isk isk.. all in all, spent 220 utk Aisya.. (hubby bayar.. hehehe) still around the budget..

pegi kat ladies area.. tapi mata dah berpinar2.. perut lapar.. hubby dah dapat 3 helai long sleeves, 3 helai seluar, 2 tie, 3 socks & etc.. banyak toll!! Aku tak beli pape lagi utk diri sendiri.. sobbss.. buat keputusan utk take a break.. makan & solat.. nanti sambung balik..

pergi area kasut & handbag.. kakak pesan beli kasut kawen dia.. nak simple2 jek.. dapat la Carlo Rino satu.. hubby paksa aku beli something utk diri sendiri.. at last dapatla sepasang kasut Carlo Rino utk buat pergi ofis.. pastuh carik handbag pulak sbb handbag yg dok pakai dah usang.. tak pernah tukar since masuk keje.. hehe.. ccermat jugak aku nih.. then, since besday dah nak dekat, mintak kat hubby purse Carlo Rino yg aku minat sangat sbb kaler dia merah darah.. nampak kelainan sket.. hubby tak membantah pon.. yeeyyy!!

Pergi area pakaian dalam.. mak aii.. ramai gile orang.. yg tak larat nyer nak beratur masuk fitting room.. at last beli laa jugak.. kaki dah tak larat sangat2 dah..

pergi toys area plak.. hubby nak belikan toys utk Aisya.. pusing punya pusing.. kitorang pon belila elmo sebijik utk Aisya.. banyak toys utk budak2 besar.. utk baby nih limited sket..

then, pergi belikan hadiah utk Safurah.. hehe.. baru nak beli.. pastuh beli walkman utk Adek.. saje present kat dia..

beli groceries sket.. then gi solat Asar.. dah penat sangat2 dah nih.. alang2 kitorang pon tunggu Mahgrib sbb kalau nak balik terus takut jam.. jumpa Zarid & Famy beli baby car-seat..

lepas solat Maghrib, pergi beratur nak claim voucher.. guess what?? Dapat 13 keping voucher rm10.. hehe.. maknanya kitorang dah spend lebih rm1300!! Mmg SHOP till you DROP betui!! Dalam kepenatan, kitorang pon balik dgn hati yg gumbira.. cuma aku jela tak sempat beli baju2 & seluar.. tapi mmg plan nak beli kat lain pon sbb utk saiz aku nih, susah sket nak carik kat jusco..

ambik Aisya from nursery.. siann dia.. tapi takpe, mama+papa ada present utk Aisya.. masa dalam kete tuh, Aisya gigit2 tangan aku.. tapi apsal rasa cam keras2 ni..

sampai je rumah, aku terus check gusi dia.. laa.. rupa2nya Aisya dah tumbuh gigi.. nampak putih2 sket jer kat gusi bawah.. seputung jek.. hehehe.. patutla 2-3 hari ni mood dia baik sangat2.. senyum je manjang.. bangun tido pon senyum.. rupa2nya anak mama dah besar ye.. hehehe..

-the end- zzzzzz…….

Friday, June 17, 2005

Aisya dah mula debab (",)

last few days, tetiba realize yg Aisya dah makin berat.. muka makin bulat.. ughh ughh.. beratnyerr.. then satu petang ni saje laa tanya makcik yg jaga dia kat nursery tuh, macamana rutin Aisya hari2 skarang nih..

8.00am - mandi, main, makan nestum & zzzzz...
1.00pm - mandi, main, makan nasik & zzzz..
5.00pm - mandi, main, makan nasik & zzz....
7.00pm until kitorang fetch - main, main, main... gelak, gelak, gelak.. =P

huh.. no wonder la makin berat.. kulit pon makin licin sbb hari2 makcik tu sapu losyen satu badan.. wangiii.. tapi aku & hubby suke sangat dia tembam sbb bleh cubit2 pipi dia... hehe.. Alhamdulillah la nursery tempat hantar Aisya tuh tak penah lagi la buat hal.. since hantar Aisya dari 2months sampai le nih, semua ok.. syukran syukran.. kalau idak, pening pale jugak nak pk mana nak hantar..

Monday, June 13, 2005

Fitness 1st

At last I joined Fitness First Club last Friday.. hehe.. thanks to Evita & Kak Limah for the full support.. tak lupe juga buat hubby yg sangat2 bersetuju aku join the fitness club.. hahha.. (ada maksud tuh).. kalau takde orang promote & invite, memang tak join pon.. sbb fikirkan masalah transport & takde geng nak pegi..

Mmg kena bayar RM100++ monthly.. tapi rasanya fees dia worth it dgn facilities yg ada.. mmg best gile laa tempat dia.. hoping that I could shed off those "spare tyre" bulging here and there.. boring laa banyak baju lama takleh nak pakai.. semua jeans dah sedekah kat adik2.. hehe.. but that's not my main target actually.. mmm.. I wish I could spend some private, leisure time on my own every week, the way hubby spend his time playing futsal with his friends.. kalau ikutkan, mmg boleh cari cara lain yg free utk exercise.. tapi tak sempat nak allocate time sejak ada Aisya ni.. kalau weekend, mmg dok main dengan baby je la.. kalau nak pegi gym TM, dah crowded & facilities sooo limited.. panas plak tuh.. dulu2 mmg slalu pegi situ jek..

now ni, hari2 pon mmg balik lambat, around 9pm baru sampai rumah sbb slalunye hubby tak boleh nak balik awal, ada keje.. so, daripada dok mengadap pc, browsing je kat ofis sementara tunggu dia, better laa ada some quality time sket.. badan sihat, otak pon cergas sket.. badan takde la rasa lesu slalu.. harap2 istiqamah la usaha kali nih.. ngeh ngeh.. =)

Friday, June 10, 2005

masih hangat???

dah lama nak tulis pasal nih.. tapi hari ni baru sempat.. hempp.. bila cakap pasal KPI, bonus, kenaikan gaji tahunan (KGT).. sure panass... macam2 cerita yg timbul.. tak puas hati??? haha.. normal la tu.. selagi namanya manusia.. mmg takkan puas hati dgn apa yg dimiliki.. sapa taknak gaji besar, duit banyak kan? kan? macam2 boleh beli.. boleh melancong.. best kan? aku pon memula HR announce pasal KPI tu same tak puas hati jugak.. bukan tak puas hati dgn apa yg aku dapat.. syukurla dapat 3.. kire zone selamat la.. alhamdulillah.. cuma aku tak puas hati bagi pihak org2 yg aku rasa teraniaya.. manager kasik 4, tapi kena force rank ke 1!! tak naya ke? dah macam tak buat pape keje.. kesian kan? bila HR announce pasal bonus plak, lagi sadis.. dapat KPI 1 dahla tak ada bonus langsung.. non-exec pon bleh dapat 2.3 bulan..

bila announce KGT, yg dapat 5 sgt2lah best!! 16% increment!! kalau 1 or 2?? takde kenaikan.. hempp.. mmg betul siapa yg kerja bagus patut direward.. tapi tak bermakna SEMUA yg dapat 1 or 2 tuh tak buat keje or tak bagus bekerja.. mereka mangsa FORCE RANKING!! kenapa laa kena ada force rank? aku personally rasa KPI tu bagus, tapi tak perlu la force rank utk 1 or 2.. kalau betul2 org tu layak dapat 1 or 2, barulaa bagi.. kalau semua bagus, reward la semua orang seadilnya.. semua orang happy.. semua orang bahagia.. harap2 management nampak & consider balik semua ni..

tahniah kepada yg dapat 4 & 5.. utk yg dapat 3.. alhamdulillah.. kita selamat.. utk yg dapat 1 & 2, jangan sedih.. byk2 sabar.. ada rezeki lain insyallah..

p/s: doa semoga dimurahkan rezeki selalu.. tak semestinya duit semata.. kebahagiaan pon rezeki jugak.. anak pon rezeki kan? sayang hubby.. sayang Aisya.. mmwah!!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


07-09 May 2005
pagi2 Sabtu kunun2nye nak pegi ambik angin kat Tmn Tasik Shah Alam.. pukul 7 lebih dah keluar rumah.. tapi on the way Aisya plak tido.. hempp.. susah gak nak carry dia sambil tido kalau nak round2 tasik.. so we decided to call Gna.. luckily Gna & hubby ada kat rumah parent kat Sek 18.. kitorang pon breakfast la kat sana.. lama tak jumpa Gna pon.. dah dekat pukul 10 baru kitorang beredar balik (sbb Aisya dah jaga & dah nak tido balik).. so rancangan nak membakar kalori berlebihan terpaksala dibatalkan.. hehe

tgh malam tetiba Aisya bangun nangis2.. lepas bagi susu dia muntah.. jamah kepala dia panas sangat.. demam lak budak nih.. 4-5 kali jugak la dia bangun camtuh & muntah bila bagi susu.. pagi esoknye kitorang pegi klinik Az-Zahara Bangi sbb klinik lain semua tutup on Sunday.. Aisya mmg tanak lie down langsung.. dia nak tido kat atas bahu sambil dukung.. so terpaksa la gilir2 ngan hubby angkut die ke hulu ke hilir.. malam je demam panas balik & muntah2.. mmg habis laa toto & baju kitorang.. tah baper kali tukar.. so, I decided to take urgent leave on Monday.. sian sangat tgk keadaan dia.. muntah sampai kosong perut.. Monday morning kitorang pegi Klinik & Surgeri Lee kat Serdang, yg slalu kitorang pegi sbb ubat dia serasi dgn Aisya.. balik je klinik terus baik demam.. tak makan ubat pon lagi.. klaka plak rasa.. Aisya pon dah pandai psikology.. hehe.. pagi ni anak mama dah tak demam & dah aktif bermain2 balik sambil mengangkat2 bontotnye.. demam nak merangkak kot.. =)

01-02 May 2005
Happy Labor's Day!! tak pergi mana2 pon.. on the 1st May, we make a visit to Rose & her newborn at Pantai Medical Center.. baby labor's day.. Rose kena ceasar jugak sbb Dr Nora kata tunnel tak lepas utk baby keluar.. baby Rose weigh 3.5kg which is quite big for a cute mom like her.. hehe.. congratulations to Rose & hubby for the arrival of your little prince charming! pastu jalan2 kat Midvalley yg ramai gile orang.. sampai pening kitorang.. just beli some toys for Aisya at Toy's 'R' Us.. Aisya had a new big ball & 'peek a block' blocks.. actually kitorang nak dia pilih sendiri tapi dia dah letih & ngantuk sangat2 nak decide.. so semua benda pon dia sentuh acuh tak acuh je.. in the end kitorang jugak yg pilih.. hehe.. for sure laa among yg cheapest!!

18 April 2005
actually today is mak's working anniversary.. just a date to remember.. kalau mak masih ada, mak la org yg paling happy hari ni.. she thought her lucky number is 18.. (birth 18/01, work 18/04, married 18/12) =) happy belated working anniversary mak..

15-17 April 2005
balik KB dgn Aisya & adik, Nurul atas urusan pesaka arwah mak.. hubby tak balik sama sbb jimat cost.. hehe.. for the 1st time bawa Aisya naik flight.. risau gak takut dia nangis dlm flight due to the pressure.. kitorang ambik the most front seat.. so a bit spacious to move around.. just put Aisya on my lap & wear a seatbelt for her (tugging to mine).. Aisya behave nicely.. before take off dia dah minta milk (yg kitorang reserve utk dia minum masa take off actually).. habis sebotol flight belum gerak pon lagi.. luckily after drinking the milk, Aisya fall asleep, tired of the journey I guess.. and she woke up just after the flight landed at the KB airport..

return flight from KB pon sama gak.. Aisya tido right before take off.. and woke up right after landing.. hehe.. she's really a good girl!!

04-06 April 2005
attending Teambuilding at Seri Malaysia Bagan Lalang.. this is the very 1st time kena berenggang dgn baby Aisya.. since hubby confident je dia boleh take care of Aisya alone, so takdela rasa risau sangat.. "papa's day care" after all.. hehe

impress jugak kat hubby sbb dia boleh jaga baby alone.. pagi2 bangun bersiap cepat2 before Aisya bangun.. then kejutkan Aisya utk salin lampin & minum susu.. then carry Aisya in the front carrier to the car with 2 bags (laptop & Aisya's bags) on the shoulder.. place Aisya safely on the rocker beside the driver's seat.. drive Aisya to the nursery and take her back in the evening.. malam, main2 ngan Aisya, bagi milk, bagi food, change nappies again & again then sleepkan Aisya.. not bad for a new dad right?

anyway, Teambuilding is very good & really boost my mentality to work harder for TM! cuma tempat agak jauh & makanan ok-ok.. hehe.. sempat lagi mengomen.. =p

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

>> about Aisya <<

2 days ago, hubby and I noticed a few improvements in our little Aisya..

1st, scary but funny, Aisya has learnt to make a non-stopping monster-like sound.. and i really love to immitate whatever she did, and make her staring at me wondering why her mom is acting just like a baby.. ngeee.. i think i should record and play it here..

2nd, so far her solid-food eating session went on smoothly.. and she kind of love the Gerber plain rice a lot! when i say "Aisya, open the hangar.. Aaaa.." as if to instuct her to open her mouth, she will smile widely & i will hurriedly feed her with a spoonful-Gerber-rice.. ngeh ngeh.. she will swallow it hardly, but it is a great success in the end.. she swallow most of it without a mess!! clever Aisya.. mommy is so happy dear!! =) mommy will train daddy to feed you soon.. (as a preparation to leave Aisya with her papa later on >> when I have to go for TMW teambuiding course for 3 days @ Bagan Lalang!! uhh.. bored..)

3rd, Aisya could rolled from back to front & vice-versa again and again without our help!! Even Tok Cik is so suprised with her improvement.. she weigh a lot now & don't want to lie on her back anymore.. bored, i guess.. but uhhh.. mommy's hand is gaining muscle.. (erkk.. but unnoticed yet.. maybe still covered by the fat!! hihi) she can hold her head straight up and pretend to fall to her side again and again thus making us panic most of the time.. errghh.. just wait until she could crawl.. UWAAAaaaa!!!!!

tired? yupp!!.. but i think this is the most happiest moment since our marriage.. having a beautiful little baby really cheers up our relationship.. her coos, gurgles & her laugh really2 ease the tense we had at work.. what a miracle a baby could bring to your life.. (",)

Thursday, March 24, 2005


hari ni lambat sket balik.. hubby ada kerja tak siap.. so, kenala lepak dulu kat ofis.. jam dah pukul 710pm.. hmm.. lambat lagi ambik Aisya harini.. siann dier.. tapi nak buat camane.. rezeki kami mcm ni..

duduk sorang2 kat ofis ni buat jiwa aku rasa sentimental.. rasa rindu sangat pada seseorang.. seseorang yg dah lama aku tak tatap wajahnya.. seseorang yg tak sempat bermain dgn cucu sulungnye.. wajahnya setenang air di kali.. wajahnya tak pernah resah.. wajahnya sentiasa tersenyum, walaupun di bahunya beban yg menggunung.. dan setiap kali aku teringatkannya, hati pasti sayu.. dan bukan aku seorang yg rindukannya.. airmataku mengalir laju... makin aku tahan, makin banyak yg tumpah.. hmm.. susah utk aku describe perasaan ni.. dan sejak akhir2 ni, aku slalu rasa macam ni.. kakak & adik2ku pon sama.. 2 hari lepas masing2 sms aku beritahu yg mereka sangat rindukannya.. rindukan mak.. sayunyer rasa..

kadang2 aku bertanya sendiri.. kenapa mak pergi terlalu awal.. tapi itu semua kuasa Allah.. Dia yg menjadikan mak.. Dia jugalah yg memanggil mak kembali padaNya.. itu hak Allah.. dan tak siapa boleh persoalkannya.. cepat atau lambat.. tua atau muda.. hanya Allah yg tahu ajal hambanya.. tapi kalau mak masih hidup.. mungkin hidup mak dah tak sesempurna dulu.. mungkin mak akan terbaring saja atas katil, siapa tahu? mungkin mak perlu bergantung kepada org lain utk meneruskan kehidupan sehariannya.. wallahualam..

mak sempat bertahan 2 tahun sejak dia mula2 mendapat cancer.. dan dalam 2 tahun itu, aku nampak hidup mak lebih bermakna.. mak sempat khatam Quran beberapa kali.. mak sempat berbudi pada ramai kawan2nya.. mak sempat buat apa yg dihajatkan sebelum ni.. mak redha dgn penyakitnya.. aku sangat2 kagum dengan mak.. dia berusaha melawan cancer, sampaikan fizikalnya sikit pon tak menampakkan yg dia menghidap cancer.. kalau org lain pergi treatment dgn wajah muram, mak pergi dgn wangi2an & senyuman.. pembedahan.. kemoterapi.. radioterapi.. sebut je apa jenis treatment.. semuanya dia dah go thru.. mungkin sbb tu Allah memanggilnya kembali.. 2 thn mak menderita, tapi tak pernah sekalipun dia merungut.. dari breast cancer, ke paru2 & akhirnya ke otak, tak pernah sekali pon aku dengar mak mengeluh.. mak sentiasa ceria sbb dia tak nak anak2nya risau.. mak masih gigih pergi bekerja sbb fikirkan anak2nya perlukan duit yg banyak.. mak tak pernah murung sbb baginya setiap dugaan yg Allah beri pasti ada hikmahnya.. semakin dia sakit, semakin rapat hubungannya dengan Yang Maha Pencipta..

kadang2 aku rasa seolah2 mak masih hidup.. cuma aku tak dapat nak berhubung terus dengannya.. tak dapat nak sentuh jasadnya.. hmm.. sbb tulah aku semakin rindukannya.. rindu sangat nak peluk erat2.. cium pipi & dahinya.. cabut uban2 gatal.. sapu losyen pada tumitnya.. tidur atas ribaannya.. ironkan baju2nya.. jalan berpegangan tangan masa gi shopping.. masak sama2.. call hari2.. borak2.. .. ..

.. rindunya...

belajarlah menghargai orang yang kita sayang selagi berpeluang.. kerana mati tak mengenal usia.. ingatlah, rasa rindu pada yang tiada sangatlah perit.. dan rindu itu tak akan pudar buat selama-lamanya..

by Hijjaz

Rindu itu adalah
Anugerah dari Allah
Insan yang berhati nurani
Punyai rasa rindu

Rindu pada kedamaian
Rindu pada ketenangan
Rindukan kesejahteraan
Dan juga kebahgiaan

Orang-orang bertaqwa
Rindu akan kebenaran
Kejujuran dan keikhlasan
Keredhaan Tuhannya

Orang mukmin merindukan
Anak-anak yang soleh
Isteri-isteri yang solehah
Keluarga bahagia

Para pencinta kebenaran
Rindukan suasana
Masyarakat yang terjalin
Aman dan sejahtera

Merindukan tertegaknya
Kalimah allah di muka bumi
Dan dalam merindukan
Keampunan Tuhannya

Dan seluruh umat itu
Merindukan cahaya
Yang menyinari kehidupan
Rindu kepada Tuhan

Saturday, March 19, 2005

oh dear little princess!!

Aisya now dah pandai buat amuk.. lambat sket je kasi susu dia start nangis dgn nada sedih & teresak2.. kuat lak tuh.. satu apartment dengar tgh2 malam.. malu seh.. baru sorang anak.. hehe.. she is really good at making her mama+papa turn panic.. isk isk..

last night, after going back home from the nursery, i put Aisya on her mattress.. then baru je pusing kejap dia dah tergolek atas carpet.. huh.. cepat betul dia pusing.. then tak sampai 3 minit dia dah start buat amuk nye.. uhh.. ditendang2 nye kaki sampai terangkat2 bontot.. siap boleh bergerak ke depan lagi... hehe.. lagak macam dah nak merangkak je.. padahal last week baru je start meniarap.. cemane nih? takkan dah kene beli pagar kot?

nampak gaya kalau nak dia cepat merangkak, kenala buat dia ngamuk slalu..

>> solid food in the move - trial edition

i'm planning to start giving Aisya some solid food this weekend.. maybe some rice cereal available at the mart.. if she swallows successfully, then soon i'll try making her meal by myself.. now i'm still searching for the best recipe for her age.. hihi.. any suggestion?
missing those sleepless days.. rasa cam tak caya jer Aisya dah
nak masuk 5 bln.. =)

Thursday, March 17, 2005

lamenyer tak update.. ngeh ngeh

rasa cam dah lama gile tak update blog ni.. sampaikan shoutbox & all links pon dah hilang ntah ke mana.. hehe..

Alhamdulillah.. my x-schollmate + x-coursemate + x-housemate, Pn Muhaini selamat melahirkan anak lelaki ke-2nye pd jam 8.58pm.. namanya Muhammad Aiman.. semoga dgn kehadiran Aiman bertambah lagi la team bola raudhah30.. hehe

meniarap? huh.. tak disangka2 Aisya dah boleh meniarap dgn sendirinye.. before this kena mama or papa assist.. time kitorang tak tgk la dia meniarap pon.. sem baik tak terguling2.. suke sangat dia sampai meleleh2 air liur.. at last dia tidur sambil meniarap.. bila mama pusing terlentang dia meniarap balik.. huh.. suka ati Aisya la.. hihi.. congrats sayang for your new skill!!

pagi2 lagi rasa excited sangat.. tak sabar2 nak gi majlis akad nikah Gna, my bestfriend a.k.a anakanda Gna.. hehe.. siap pakai baju + tudung baru lagi.. =) Gna dah mcm adik-beradik sendiri.. masa wedding aku dulu, Gna sanggup ambik cuti seminggu ikut aku balik kampung utk tolong aku buat persiapan.. aku plak tak dapat nak tolong dia sangat sbb maklumla dah ada anak ni susah sket nak gerak sana sini.. just datang2 rumah Gna tanya khabar je.. last buat lawatan pra-perkahwinan ke rumah Gna hari Khamis lepas, 2 hari sebelum akad nikah.. hmmpp.. since mak's departure, i think our friendship has becoming much2 closer.. family Gna pon dah macam family sendiri.. each time pegi rumah Gna aku akan peluk mak Gna puas2, just like I did to my mom.. (believe me.. i'm in tears now.. sobbs..) pastu nanti mak Gna ajak dinner kat sana.. and I love her cook so much!! nyum! nyum!

continue cerita wedding Gna..

aku, hubby & baby sampai kat Shah Alam quite lambat.. so kitorang decide utk terus pegi Masjid Negeri, tempat Gna & tunangnya Arai akan diakad.. sampai masjid, semua org dah berkumpul tapi belum masuk bilik VIP lagi.. perasaan aku time tu tak terkata.. happy sangat2 tgk Gna dlm baju pengantin yg cantik.. miss plak masa kawen dulu.. hehe.. berangan kejaps..

Alhamdulillah.. majlis berjalan dgn lancar.. Azrina selamat diijabkabulkan dgn Azraie dgn satu lafaz.. yg syahdunya, Abah Gna sendiri yg nikahkan diorang.. Gna looks so happy!! and I am happy for her too.. tahniah anakanda Gna.. moga jadi isteri solehah & ibu yg penyayang.. nak kembar kay!! hehe..

aku, hubby & baby pergi ke kenduri Gna a bit late.. sbb Aisya meragam kat rumah.. sesampai kat rumah Gna, ramai kawan2 dah balik.. upset la jugak.. tapi still laa a few yg tinggal.. dpt jumpa kengkawan yg dah lama menghilang.. bila dah ramai2 tuh riuhlaa kami kat bawah khemah.. ibu2 mengandung & tak kurang ibu2 yg bawa anak2 yg sebaya je nampaknye.. semua lahir tahun 2004.. kire nanti dah besar sebaya jela anak2 kitorang ni.. tak lama pon kat rumah Gna sbb Aisya takleh nak tido.. cuaca panas sangat.. kitorang balik rumah around 415.. sempat bergambar sket je ngan pengantin..

"Selamat Pengantin Baru buat Azrina & Azraie.. semoga berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat.. "
Mommy Julie + Daddy Chot
Baby Aisya

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Awww!!! Sakitnye!!!

huh.. yesterday was a very unforgettable day.. I went to see the doctor at Klinik Zarif here in Menara Telekom to check for my 'cagu' at my right foot.. to be exact, at the ibu jari kaki.. (err.. do u know what is 'cagu' anyway?? when the nail get stuck in the flesh!! aww!!) actually i've been suffering the 'cagu' for almost 10 months!! really bad, uh? it started during my pregnancy last year and i guess i put on weight too much!! hehe.. (",)

that's the history.. so i went to the doctor with a dup dap dup dap in my heart.. noticing there's nobody in the clinic.. huh.. so many butterflies in the stomach! I told the doctor about the poor toe.. (actually i've seen her before for the same problem but she advice me to apply the cream she gave first.. unfortunately it does'nt work well..)

me: Dr, ni pasal cagu hari tu.. tak baik2 lagi..
Dr: emm.. so, nak kerat kuku la ni?
me: err.. ha ah.. (uwaa!! i finally say yes?) ada bius tak?
Dr: mestila ada.. (smiling) jom ikut saya..

i walked behind her to the 'OT'..

Dr: juliana, baring sini..
me: ok..

then i lied on the bed.. patiently waiting..

Dr: saya akan bius dulu kaki u.. kalau tak bius mmg sakit sangat2.. ni nak cucuk bius ni sakit sikit tau..
me: ok.. (speechless)

suddenly.. arghhh.. uhh.. errkk.. uwaaa!! sakitnyerrr!! this is not sikit!!

me: aduh! aduh! sakitnye..

then she rubs my ibu jari.. i think that's to make sure the ubat bius spread over the foot.. her assistance suddenly came in..

Asst: cagu ke? nak potong ye Dr? pakai pisau?
Dr: ha ah..

O My God!.. kecut perut ERA when i heard the word pisau.. then the 'operation' started.. my breathing is out of control.. i breath in sooo deeply & breath out sooo loudly.. it's reaaaally painful when the Dr started digging out the nail from the flesh & cutting it!! again & again!!

me: sakitnye.. aduh! (weaning softly<-- to control 'macho'.. hehe)
Dr: kalau kat kaki mmg sakit sikit walaupun dah bius..
me: uhh.. oic..

I swear i shall never let the cagu to appear again after this.. the 'operation' ended after 15 minutes.. the Dr wrap my ibu jari tightly so that it will lessen the pain.. she gave me some painkiller & pills to reduce the swollen..

me: baper lama buleh baik ni Dr? (I'm able to calm down already.. hehe)
Dr: ermm.. 3 hari dah baik biasanya
me: ni ubat ni bile buleh start makan?
Dr: pukul 6ptg nanti u start ambik, ok? then esok datang balik utk cuci luka tu..
me: ok.. thanks Dr.. (smiling in pain..)

I walked out the clinic with a wrapped toe.. hehe.. it looks funny & I have to walk carefully, avoiding bumping into anything in front of me (which always happen to me <-- maybe this is how the cagu appear.. ngeh ngeh ngeh..)

And today i need to see the Dr again to clean that wound.. hehe.. no more pain!! =)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

S26 Gold!!

(+) adik, susu anak akak banyak mana lagi tinggal?
(-) banyak lagi.. ada separuh tin lagi.. akak, mahalnye susu Aisya..
(+) uh.. ye ke? hmm.. mmg mahal laa jugak..
(-) susu dia laa yg paling mahal kat nursery nih.. hehe..
(+) erk.. ye ker? hehe..

aku berpaling kat hubby.. kami saling berpandangan & tergelak.. mmg susu S26 Gold tu mahal pon.. setin (900gm) harga dalam range RM49 - RM52.. kat Lunas je buleh dapat harga RM46.. seminggu Aisya buleh habiskan 1 tin.. so dlm sebulan 4 tin.. 2-3 kali jugak kitorang fikir nak tukar susu.. tapi sbb setakat ni Alhamdulillah Aisya tak pernah kembung sejak minum susu tu.. sbb tu la malas nak tukar.. takut tak sesuai plak ngan dia.. lagipon doktor kata tak elok banyak2 kali tukar susu.. hmm.. untungnye jadi anak sulung kan Aisya.. hehe.. takpelah.. silap mama jugak tak breastfeed Aisya dulu.. so ni kire menebus salah laa ek.. huhu.. mama+papa kering pon takpe.. asalkan Aisya sayang sihat.. =)=)

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Because you loved me..

this is the song i like so much by Celine Dion.. my sister Nurul once wrote this song to our Mom on her birthday and I was so touched by it..

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ’coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

from sadness to happiness.. :)

rasa dah lama benar tak update.. tahlah.. tatau nape.. sejak akhir2 ni aku slalu teringat arwah mak and all the sad things happened after she left..

14-Jan until 17-Jan.. aku demam & bengkak tonsil.. then berjangkit plak ke hubby.. sian Aisya.. mama & papa tak larat nak jaga dia so terpaksala hantar nursery eventhough on Saturday.. sedih sangat rasa tapi apa boleh buat.. takut gak demam berjangkit kat dia.. tapi Alhamdulillah.. Aisya sihat as usual..

18-Jan.. besday arwah mak.. i can't stop myself from crying.. crying.. & crying.. kalau mak masih ada, tahun ni umur mak 53 tahun.. still muda.. 2-3 orang bestfriend mak sms aku cakap diorang ingat besday mak & miss sangat kat arwah mak.. lagikan kawan2nya bersedih.. inikan pula anaknya.. tiap kali solat mesti aku nangis.. aku hadiahkan al-fatihah & yasin utk mak.. aku sms semua adik2 & kakakku suruh diorang buat bende yg sama.. aku suruh diorang yg bercuti kat rumah pergi ziarah kubur mak.. sayu & sebak sangat rasa sampaikan kat ofis aku takleh concentrate buat keje.. kejap2 airmata berlinangan.. ya Allah.. tabahkan hati hambamu ini utk menempuh hari2 mendatang tanpa kehadiran ibu tercinta.. dan yg paling membuatkan aku sedih bila teringatkan adik bongsuku yg akan masuk Tingkatan 4 di MRSM Pengkalan Chepa.. she's still so young to hold this burden.. semoga adik tabah.. setabah mak melawan penyakitnye..

rasa sedihku beransur pulih.. pk2 balik.. kalau aku bersedih.. adik2ku lagila sedih.. aku mesti tabah & kuat semangat sbb aku umpama pengganti mak.. aku jadi tempat diorang meluahkan perasaan & kesedihan.. tempat diorang minta pendapat tentang pelajaran.. aku tak boleh kalah pada emosi.. aku tahu Allah akan menolong kami dlm apa yg kami hajati dan dlm kesusahan.. insyallah..

25-Jan.. Selangor cuti Thaipusam.. maknanya hubby sorang cuti & aku tak.. aku pon apa lagi.. apply cuti sama la sbb kalau tak sure hubby kena hantar aku pegi keje.. so smalam kitorang pegi Alamanda Putrajaya.. since minggu lepas lagi aku request kat hubby nak pegi Alamanda sbb aku tgk kat paper Habib ada buat SALE kat situ.. rasa bersemangat gila nak beli barang kemas sbb duit hantaran aku dulu still dok simpan.. ada laa blanje beli set bilik tidur tapi aku nak laa jugak beli something yg aku boleh pakai hari2.. baru ada sentimental value.. lagipon aku rasa dgn beli something yg aku suka & dah lama dok idam2, sure akan buat aku a bit happier..

kitorang keluar rumah dlm pukul 3pm.. sampai je Alamanda, kitorang gi makan2 kat fudcot.. best jugakla sbb fudcot dia luas and tak sesak sangat.. lepas makan kitorang terus pegi ke tpt pameran Habib.. waa.. rambang mata! hubby menyokong 100% supaya aku beli 'something'.. kalau tak beli, dia nak tinggal aku sorang2 kat situ.. balik sendiri katanya.. hehe.. pilih punya pilih.. at last aku pon beli laa 'something' yg dah lama aku idamkan.. mmg murah pon harga brg kemas kat Habib bila diorang buat SALE.. kalau emas 916, less RM4 dari harga pasaran..

so, sape2 yg nak kawen or bertunang.. cepat2 laa pegi Alamanda sementara SALE ni.. Habib sini je yg SALE tau.. tpt lain SALE tapi tak byk pon dia potong.. sampai 14-Feb je.. so, still ada quite a lot of time.. tapi kalau nak byk choice, better pegi skarang sbb kalau dah dekat2 penghujung SALE tu, biasala tinggal balance2 jek..

yg bestnye, hubby sporting gile! sepanjang aku dok memilih2 tu, dia yg jagakan Aisya.. hehe..

thanks very much sayang!! i know you really2 want to make me happy! love u so much! and Aisya too for being such a good girl yesterday.. ;)

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Untukmu Ibu...

Oh Ibu
Kau disiram bayu pagi
Kehilangan terasa kini
Dan kesepian

Dan aku
Bagai purnama gerhana
Di ibarat lautan kering
Tiada tempat ku layarkan
Hasrat ku ini
Masih belum sempat
Ku buktikannya kepada mu
Ibu tersayang
Ku curahkan rasa hati

Ku tatapi potret mu berulang kali
Ku renungkan kalimah yang diberi

Tuhan yang Esa
Ampuni dosa ibu
Tempatkan mereka
Di antara kekasih kekasih Mu

Oh Ibu
Kau kekasih sejati
Ku taburkan doa
Untuk mu ibu
Ampunilah dosa ku
Sejak ku dilahirkan
Hingga akhir hayat mu

Saat ini
Ku teruskan hidup
Tanpa bersama mu ibu

Al-fatihah utk arwah ibu tercinta..

Monday, January 10, 2005

morning chaos!

little Aisya didn't poo yesterday.. biasanya petang2 dah settle dah.. lepas makan ubat selsema dia tido dgn nyenyaknya sampaila ke pagi tadi..

the story begin..
at 3am, Aisya woke up asking for milk.. and again at 5am.. ngantuksnye mama.. then, dia tamo tido sampailaa pukul 545am.. nampak dia cam cool sket, i rushed to the kitchen to prepare for my sahur.. 5 minit siap buat sandwich telur & air nescafe & makan.. hebat tak? hehe.. dah imsak pon so kenala express..

pukul 600am, papa bangun tido & since budak Aisya nak orang pegang dia, kenalaa take turn utk bersiap gi keje.. after a while, it's papa's turn to comfort Aisya.. lain macam je nampak muka Aisya ni.. senyap je die.. i guess she will be poo-ing at anytime but i didn't tell hubby.. hehehe..

tgh bersiap2 dlm bilik tiba2 dengar hubby jerit.."busuuuukkknyerrr!!" hahaha.. and i admit that it was one of the smelliest poo she ever had! sampai satu rumah berbau.. hehe.. Aisya's mission to bully her papa has completed!

we went to work a little bit late today but alhamdulillah, we manage to arrive on time..

Friday, January 07, 2005

today's zikra..

this morning, hubby & I listened to Ustaz Wan Sohor's zikra at hits rmkl (97.2fm) as usual.. it started at 0645am and ended at 0700am.. actually we tried to make it as our daily routine.. and so far Alhamdulillah.. we did it.. =)

Ustaz's zikra is always interesting & never bored us! and this morning we only manage to listen to some part of the zikra.. he said that if we are seeking for Allah's bless for jannah, we must always ask for it.. but how?? read this doa 3 times a day and Insyallah jannah will welcome you as you wish..

"Allahumma inna nas aluka ridhaka wal jannah.Wa na'uzubika min sakhatika wan naar.."

p/s: sorry I have to write it in rumi and not in jawi.. (i'm really2 bad in writing jawi! hehe)

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Ahlan-wa-sahlan 2005!!

it's already 2005.. time is leaving us too fast, right?.. and now i'm still doing the post-mortem for what I've done the whole last year..

"sigh.." reminiscing those 2004 memories hurt my heart so badly.. it will be the most memorable year in my entire life..


Monday, January 03, 2005

after 2 months..

pejam celik.. my dear Aisya Afiqah dah pon 2 bulan.. and maknanya my long vacation has come to the end.. uhhh.. busannyer nak masuk keje balik!! rasa cam dah berkarat sgt dah otak ni.. apa dah jadi 2 bulan lepas kat opis langsung tak ambik tahu.. hehe.. mmg seriusly bercuti.. :wink:

My love, Aisya..
and today is the 1st day nak berenggang ngan Aisya.. sobbs sobbs.. rasa berat hati sgt2 nak tinggal Aisya kat nursery.. she's still a little girl who need so much love & care.. rasa cam nak je jadi full-time housewife.. hmmpp.. tapi apa boleh buat.. kalau hubby sorang yg keje, parah laa sket.. so terpaksa laa menggagahkan diri datang keje.. :sigh:

masa hantar Aisya kat nursery pagi tadi, Aisya tenung je muka mama dia.. sampai tak berkelip.. sayu sungguh hati ini.. ntah berapa kali mama kiss Aisya.. sampai dia naik rimas kan?.. hehe.. mama & papa doa hopefully nursery jaga Aisya baik2.. kalau nenek Aisya still ada, sure nenek dgn besar hatinya nak jaga Aisya, kan?.. tapi Allah lebih sayangkan nenek.. i miss u, mom.. :(

"Aisya sayang.. sorry tau.. mama & papa terpaksa hantar Aisya kat nursery.. mama kena pergi keje utk cari duit banyak2.. baru boleh beli baju cantik2 utk Aisya" that's what i said to her before i came to work this morning.. and she smiled at me as if she agreed with me..