the implant and the mood-less

(gambar di sebelah adalah hiasan semata2 dan tiada kaitan dgn entry ini)

2-3 hari ni rasa teramatlah tak ada mood utk blajar. cemana nih? assignment nak kena siap cepat before cuti2 easter. adakah terkesan dek pemakaian implant? uh uh

oh ye. actually lenganku baru dipasang benda asing bernama implanon 2 hari lepas. saja gatal nak cuba, pastu masa nurse tgh masukkan kat lengan, rasa nyesal tak sudah sbb sakit. huhuhu. actually takdela sakit sgt, but ngeri gak la procedure tu. kat sini free jer pakai contraception, not sure semua jenis free or ada yg kena bayar. maybe yg terlebih advance ada kena bayar. apa2 pun, daku perlukan keselamatan terjamin selama kat sini. before this i'm on pills but biasala, asyik terlupa.

so, setelah bertanya kakak2 yg dah expert bab2 ni, ku gagahkan diri utk mencuba. hu hu. so far tak penah nampak mak buyong kat library ke, kelas ke. so, tanakla jadi sejarah kat sini, dahla blajar pun setahun je. hi hi

kembali kepada moodless, actually rasa exhausted dgn assignment berderet nih. letih bab kena baca journal. muak sgt2 dah. so, pagi tadi masa tgh moodless tu, hati terdetik nak pegi shopping kat town koboi coventry. almaklumla, stok baju pon dah tahap nazak dah. asyik pakai baju sama je gi lib hari2. bosan2. setelah berkira2, rasanya kalau pakai baju baru, maybe bleh dapat mood utk blaja. hohoho (alasan utk shopping)

so, tangkapan hari ni, 3 helai blouse & 2 cardigan.. cardi yg ada pun dah berbulu, so it deserves a change. teringin nak beli baju2 spring yg berbunga bagai, tapi mcm tak banyak yg murah. tak kesahla, yg penting ada persalinan baru utk musim bunga. walaupun bajuku takde bunga, hatiku tetap berbunga2 ok :P

tak percaya?

i am supposed to struggle with my 6th assignment essay by now. but i think it's a worth 5minutes break to make this note, at least to myself..

alhamdulillah, i've been working with the co. for 7 years by now. and i've been granted scholarship twice already by the co. again and again, alhamdulillah. for the past years, i've been working hard, at least to my own standard. but every time the evaluation result came out, i didn't get what i thought i should. but usually, i'll tell my little heart "it's ok, your time will come. maybe u need to work harder and just be patient"..

and usually it turned out ok with me, not until my 6th year's evaluation, which i thought i really deserve to get more than i got. i cried. i sulked. i asked myself "what's wrong with me?". everytime i did a good job, they pat my back. but when it's evaluation time, i'm no more than average. my heart broke and i went to see the bosses. my boss calmed me down. she told me to be patient. she said, insyallah, my rezeki will come.

then, i thought maybe i should take a career break to regain my motivation and passion to work. and alhamdulillah, after series of attempts, now i'm here! it was an enjoyable career break with piles of assignment :). and for 2009, i didn't expect superb result. i just want to be treated fairly, that's all.

but today, my boss emailed me and broke the happy news! it really makes my day. and now on, i'll be on the right track again. after school, i'll work harder and will make the co. proud of having me, at least to my own thot! :) haahahahaha


i'm so jumping now!
.
.

and still jumping! toing! toing!
.
.

i need a break

now pukul 2.56am, baru lepas submit assignment ke-4. ada lagi 3 menanti. huhu. sgt2 tak sabar nak submit those three, sebab lepas tu nak ber-caravan vacation ke cornwal with big bro & close friends! harap2 dah spring & cantik time tu. weather skrg sungguh2 tak keruan. today snow, tomorrow sunny. tak sempat buat snowman pon sbb dah melting.

hemp. daku blank tak tahu nak tulis apa. kepala dah pusing sbb tak cukup rest. esok i need to pay back some time to hubby and kiddos before i get bz again. kesian diorang, terperap kat rumah je. nampak gaya before cornwal kena gak plan short vacation, tapi ke mana ye? kalau sunny, london maybe?

oh ni masa adhoc picnic kat kenilworth, dekat jer, 15min from rumah tapi tak penah sampai. what a beautiful place! sunny2 pon sejuk tuh. the kids were so excited sbb dah lama tak main kat playground. next sunny day i shall go again this place! picnic & a novel, perhaps. oh i miss novel. asyik baca journal je, naik muak dah. huhuhu :)

seronok tapi (malas)

lalalala... (nada senang hati)

terasa macam nak terbang2 jer sebab dah habis 7 out of 9 modules utk course MSc ni. which is quite suprising sbb rasa mcm cepatnya masa berlalu. rasa macam baru jer semalam sampai sini. tup2 dah mid february. tinggal 7months jer lagi nak balik mesia. huhuhu (rindu mee mamak boleh tak?)

tapi yg tak bestnya, ada 4 assignment dalam tangan plus dissertation yg baru 5% progress. dan itu bermaksud, saya perlu menaip 4x5000 + 20000 words dalam masa sebulan setengah - (gulp!)

tapi saya yakin saya boleh. yakin boleh. yakin boleh. yakin boleh. yakin boleh. yakin boleh. lalalalala... (kena boleh kalau nak balik. huhuhuhu)

warung saya

hari2 jenuh pk nak masak apa. nak beli slalu pon mahal (kalau convertla). so, sebagai langkah2 berjimat cermat, haruslah hari2 memasak utk breakfast, lunch & dinner.

menu hari ni:

breakfast - bihun goreng singapore --> mendapat pujian ramai (aisya, faris & hubby. hehe). sangat kembang hidung saya ok

lunch - nasi putih, udang goreng kunyit dan asparagus+cendawan wif soy sauce (nama melayu dia kicap)

dinner - sama spt lunch (kalau belum habis). tapi kalau dah habis, hajat di hati nak makan fish & chip (paling senang, beli je yg frozen kat Iceland)

tak sempat nak snap gambar sbb battery camera out. insyallah lepas2 ni nak rajin snap & post gambar semua masakan, sebagai mengingati yg saya ni rajin juga memasak. hehehe (tak sudah2 puji diri).

sejak dok sini, banyak juga yg saya try masak. masa kat mesia, sangat2 malas dan tak suka mencuba. contohnya, lasagna, puding roti (jgn gelak ok), sup tulang, lamb curry, nasi briyani (walaupun instant tapi sedap tau), spaghetti goreng (italian style), gulai nasi berlauk (klantan style), pita bread with chicken filling, jacket potato and lain2 lagi. sangat seronok bile seisi rumah enjoy dgn masakan saya yg tak seberapa.

by the way, esok pagi nak masak apa ye? nasi lemak kot.. tak pon roti canai with lamb curry. laparnye! :)

p.a.n.i.k.

detik ini saya berada di library univ. of warwick, di sudut paling hujung di tingkat 5 (quiet study area). sangat2 quiet, sampaikan makan pringles pun tak boleh. hari ini hari pertama saya focus utk dissertation. sebab next 2 weeks nak kena submit literature review findings kat supervisor. suddenly rasa panic dan risau, am i on the correct track? huhu..

my achievement so far, 3 assignments submitted, alhamdulillah. but each one mengambil masa around 60hours utk disiapkan. supposedly hanya 40hours needed. dan word limit asyik terebih (limit 4000-4500). benci betul.

assignment pertama alhamdulillah, unexpected result that really worth the effort, walaupun word exceeded by 2000++! supposedly references around 15-20, selalu terlebih jadi 25. kadang2 rasa frustated sbb rugi 20hours, yg sepatutnya dispend bersama family pergi makan angin atau utk buat assignment lain (or utk tulis blog :).. risau juga asyik terlebih ni. sooooo not efficient,ok..

so sekarang, perlu ada strategy utk study smart. dissertation is worth 50% of overall masters degree, while each assignment only contribute around 6%. i'm not aiming for distinction. but kalau boleh, nakla worth the effort. and by the way, kena selalu ingatkan diri sendiri tentang rule #6! i need to have some fun some time :)

nota kaki: life is too short to be sooooo serious! tetiba terasa nak ajak hubby pergi bicester village & oxford weekend ni. hiks

Thank you Allah..

to make people love you, you must love them first.. no rocket science explanation for that.. it's just karma, i guess..

Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honor to
Who should I pay good mind to?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Cause who used to hold you
And clean you and clothes you
Who used to feed you?
And always be with you
When you were sick
Stay up all night
Holding you tight
That's right no other
Your mother (My mother)

Who should I take good care of?
Giving all my love
Who should I think most of?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Cause who used to hear you
Before you could talk
Who used to hold you?
Before you could walk
And when you fell who picked you up
Clean your cut
No one but your mother
My mother

Who should I stay right close to?
Listen most to
Never say no to
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Cause who used to hug you
And buy you new clothes
Comb your hair
And blow your nose
And when you cry
Who wiped your tears?
Knows your fears
Who really cares?
My mother

Say Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah
Thank you Allah
For my mother

Khas buat mak..

Nombor 18 sangatlah sinonim dgn diri mak kan? 18 January harijadi mak. 18 April pula hari pertama mak masuk kerja. Dan secara tak sengaja, 18 December wedding anniversary mak. Julie still ingat hari2 penting mak, insyallah.

Dan hari ni, hari lahir mak yg ke 58. Happy Birthday mak. Julie tahu kita berdua tersangat jauh, sangat2 jauh. Jauh yang kalau Julie ada duit berjuta pun Julie tak dapat nak jumpa mak lagi. Tapi Julie nak mak tahu, Julie sangat rindukan mak. Rindu sangat2 nak peluk cium mak. Rindu sampai rasa nak pecah dada ni. Julie jeles tgk Fairoz call mak dia. Yela, walaupun mak dia pun mak Julie juga, tapi tak sama kan dgn mak sendiri? Dengan mak, nak tidur bawak ketiak pun takpe kan? And mak suka sangat bila Julie offer diri utk cabut ubat2 gatal mak. It was one of my favourite leisure activity. hehe.

Teringat lagi masa mengandungkan Aisya, mak bagi Julie mandi laut kat PD sbb teringin sangat2. It was like 3 weeks before you left us. And teringat lagi mak usap2 perut Julie & kita main teka2 jantina lelaki ke perempuan. Mak ingat lagi tak lepas mak chemoteraphy, kita gi jalan ke KB Mall sbb mak bosan duduk rumah. Then Julie belikan gelang jade utk mak. Orang kedai tu tanya mak ada sakit apa2 ke nak pakai jade? Then mak senyum je kat dia. So sweet.

Mak ingat tak mak marah Julie sbb hari2 call mak? Mak cakap Julie takde keje kat ofis. Hehe. Klakar. Mana boleh takde keje. Lepas mak takde, the day Julie masuk ofis, Julie terus burst into tears sbb Julie tak sengaja terangkat gagang telefon utk call mak. Sedih sangat. Hari2 selepas mak takde, anak2 mak semuanya rapuh. Seriously. Ambil masa 2-3 tahun jugala nak heal..

Tapi mak jangan risau, insyallah anak2 mak sekarang dah semakin kuat. It has been 6 years kan? Nak tahu mcmana kitorang buat? Hmm.. well, kitorang anggap mak masih ada around us. Cumanya kitorang tak dapat nak jumpa mak je. You’re always in our heart. We always remind ourselves with the thought that you always gave. We always try to be optimist in whatever we do, just like you. And we always keep in touch with each other. That’s how we cope with our lost. And mak nak tahu tak, kitorang paling takut hilang kenangan2 dengan mak. So everytime meet up, kitorang akan cerita balik kisah2 lama. Thinking of you makes all of us smile, giggle and sometimes laugh out loud. Even though deep inside our hearts, only Allah knows how miserable we are.

Sekarang cita2 mak nak Julie sambung Masters insyallah dah on the right track. Kalau dulu mak gi US, now Julie kat UK. Tapi kan, Malaysia juga paling best kan? Main banjir lagi best dari main snow. Hoho. Teringat time kecik2 dulu tiap2 tahun kita main banjir. Then makan breakfast pulut dgn ikan kering. Best ever!

Oklah mak. I need to sleep now. Esok ada kelas. Cucu2 mak yg comel2 dua2 dah tidur. Semoga mak merindui anak-anak mak.. Semoga mak ditempatkan dengan orang2 yang beriman.. Semoga kita ketemu disana.. Happy birthday again.. I love you mak.. Al-fatihah..

kalau salji katakan salji..

bila cuaca amat sejuk dan perut amat kenyang, diri ini terasa amat malas. i just had my first ever lasagna for dinner! yummy but a bit salty :P tu pon pakai leftover kuah spaghetti yg cuma tinggal semangkuk. but it's ok for a start, will try a better version soon..

oh ye, last 2 days i roasted a baby chicken ala2 jamie oliver gitu. also my first attempt menggolek seekor ayam. hehe. but it tasted out a bit sour due to too much lemon juice that i put in. well, i'll improvise it next time as hubby doesn't like lemony-taste. i think i'm gonna put honey instead and less garlic too. yummy! so, what's next? rasanya nak try bihun ladna pulak kot (dah tahap bosan mkn nasi hari2.. hihi :)

oopss, sori gaya terk*ngk*ng

3 bulan yang lalu..

3 bulan yang lalu..
aku masih di sana..
tempat lahir yang ku rindu..

3 bulan yang lalu..
aku masih tak pasti..
inikah jalan pilihanku..

tapi kini..
aku nekad dan yakin..
gulungan ijazah yang kucari..

dan kini..
aku tidak lagi ragu..
bumi Malaysia tetap di hati..

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(nota kaki:- tiba2 terasa nak karang sajak di kala amat mengantuk membuat assignment.. hohoho =)